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Grandparents Died, Mom Left, Diagnosed XXY - What Do I Do?

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I need help, lots, not counselling, hell I feel like I need to be locked in a head doctors lab. Ok. In one week, both of my grandparents died. My mom totally freaked and just left, I havent heard from her since, my dad who is fucking awesome now has to do 6 hours extra to keep things going. And then, just to motherfuckin top it, I gets test results back that prove that I'm a filthy hermaphrodite (xxy chromosomes) The test was for breast cancer but I got the all clear for that What do I do? Kill myself???
Signed: Grandparents Died, Mom Left, Diagnosed XXY - What Do I Do?

Dear Grandparents Died, Mom Left, Diagnosed XXY - What Do I Do?,


TeenHealthFX can easily appreciate how much you have on your plate right now. Not only are you dealing with the loss of two family members and a medical diagnosis which can be difficult to understand and come to terms with, it sounds like you may be feeling very alone in trying to deal with these things as your mother is physically not there and your father may be less emotionally available given all he has had to take on recently. FX understands the struggle you are going through right now, but we absolutely do not think that suicide is the answer. Give what you are dealing with, FX thinks that it is critical for you to reach out for help with these issues so that you have support and guidance in how to cope with all that is going on.

FX recommends that you start by letting your father know the extent of your distress. We understand that he may have a lot of his plate right now, but it sounds like he truly cares about you – and if that is the case he would want to know how you are feeling and do whatever is in his power to help you. Next, FX thinks it would be helpful for you to meet with a therapist for a consultation. A therapist can help you address your feelings of loss regarding the death of your grandparents, can help you sort through your feelings about your medical diagnosis, and can also provide you a place to work through your feelings about your mom having left and you father subsequently being less available to you.

If you haven’t already, FX also thinks it would be helpful for you to speak to the doctor who diagnosed you so you can get a better understanding of what your diagnosis means from a medical standpoint, as well as some guidance about how to emotionally cope with what is coming up for you around it. XXY males are generally living with something called Klinefelter syndrome, a genetic condition that results when a boy is born with an extra copy of the X chromosome. With treatment and support, men with Klinefelter syndrome can expect to lead a normal life, often with only minor symptoms that are hardly noticeable. Someone with Klinefelter syndrome is not considered a hermaphrodite. A hermaphrodite has both male and female sex organs. Someone with Klinefelter syndrome may have smaller than average testicles and penis, and may even have infertility problems, but they do not have female sex organs. FX is concerned that you may be feeling confused about your diagnosis and what it means exactly. And the key to coping with this kind of diagnosis and dealing with the symptoms in a positive way is education and social support. So please speak to your doctor so you can get the education and support you need.


If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

To further help you with the grief you are dealing with regarding your grandparents deaths, FX suggests that you look into Rainbows, a non-profit, international organization that works to help children and teens who have had to deal with some kind of loss in their lives.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX