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Help Me - I'm Lost

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I don't know what to do. I used to have this perfect little life with this perfect little family. I mean, not completely perfect but close. I loved life and everything about it. I had a billion friends, and where I went I made more. Just last year my parents separated two weeks before my birthday. I later found out that he cheated on her and had a baby girl this year one week before my birthday. I know that a lot of teen go through divorces, but there is a lot more to my story. See, when I was about 4, I was abused daily by my step grandmother and grandfather, beating me with anything they could find. My mom finally moved out of there. Prior to moving out, she was married to my father when I was 3. I was told that they were married so late because they wanted me to be in the wedding. Well, I just recently found out that this man I called "daddy" my whole life adopted me. Everyone knew except me. My biological parents were only together for four months. My mom had me when she was 16. Now she is engaged again and this man has a daughter. The past two years I have had a huge identity crisis. I am losing my friends and my life. I've gained three sisters and lost my whole family. My mom is so wrapped in her new man, she could care less about me. I've found love within my boyfriend. It sometimes seems like he is the only one who cares, but then again he has problems of his own. Since all of this, I have gained 40 pounds and have unprotected pre marital sex. I am in love but my mom doesn't see it. I am depressed and my mom wants me to get over it. I am scared and only have my boyfriend to protect me. I run away and xxxx is the only one to catch me. I feel like I am going to have to grow up with no mom and no dad. I go to counseling but it doesn't help. I am becoming very sick and getting very scared. I don't eat and don't sleep and am becoming weak and frail. I am not doing it for attention, I just can't live anymore. My body can't take it. I want to move out and begin a new life with my boyfriend. I know we can do it. When my period came three weeks late, he was ready to be a dad and cried when it was a false alarm. I'm helpless, I think that my life is slipping away. Who am I? What do I do? Please help me, you are my last hope. I can't take this any longer.
Signed: Help Me - I'm Lost

Dear Help Me - I'm Lost,


TeenHealthFX is glad that you wrote - it is understandable why you are in so much pain. Often, we define who we are and feel secure in the world because of our families. In the past two years, your life has been turned upside down by the people you have trusted. A person's identity is often defined by their family of origin, so you are struggling with who you are. FX imagines that you feel that no one in your family cares about you so it makes sense that you want to move out and start your own family. But wait - that might not be the answer.


You first have to heal your pain before you can maintain a healthy relationship with your boyfriend or have a baby. You mention that you feel depressed, helpless and your life is slipping away. You mention that you go to counseling, but it does not help. FX is concerned because you have not found therapy to be effective. Counseling and/or medication is a good way to resolve your pain and help you get your life back. Talk to your therapist and let him/her know that you do not feel like you are making the progress you would like too. Whatever you do don't give up! Depression is a treatable illness and with help, you can feel better in time.


It may seem as though your mother doesn't care, but try to let her know how badly you are feeling. Counseling may also help your mother understand what you are going through and how to be supportive of you.


TeenHealthFX is also concerned that you are having unprotected sex. This can lead to pregnancy, as well as STD's including HIV. Click safer sex for more information on protecting yourself and your partner.


If you feel that you are in danger of hurting yourself, or you feel like your life is too difficult to handle, please seek immediate assistance. If you live in Northern New Jersey, call the 24-hour CRISIS HOTLINE at (973)-540-0100. If you live outside Northern New Jersey, call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 1.800.999.9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX