I Don't Want to Live the Rest of My Life Addicted to Pulling My Hair Out

sorry in advance if this is long because it probably will be but I just want to make sure I'm getting everything I need to say, said. so it's kind of gross and weird but for the past six months maybe a little bit over that I've been pulling out my hair on purpose, specifically my pubic hair. it started when I was in the shower and I had an itch on my tummy so obviously I scratched it but my nails went a little too far and I pulled out a couple of pubic hairs accidentally. it wasn't too much but it was enough to hurt a little bit. I didn't think much of it and I finished my shower. I don't really know why or how I decided to purposely pull them out but I know it was soon after that incident probably within a week or less. before I pull out the hair, I almost always am feeling nervous or on edge, sad, or bored which is more or less when it occurs but it can really happen any time because half of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it until I notice I have pubic hairs on my hand. sometimes I start pulling when I'm using the bathroom but most of the time I do it when it originally started which is in the shower. most of the time I don't actually pull the hair but I rub my hand really firmly against it not masturbating but just firmly rubbing my hand against the hair and/or combing my fingers through the hair. it feels like a tug but it doesn't really hurt to me it honestly feels good to me and almost soothes me and when it hurts, I almost feel like I'm doing "the job" right even though I know that's horrible. I get this sense of relief whenever I pull it out, but then I start to feel kind of guilty and grossed out and I throw the hair away and always wash my hands afterwards because I'm kind of a germ freak. now considering I obviously can't pull out my pubic hair whenever I want, I've grown used to gently tugging on my eyelashes or grabbing a large chunk of the hair on my head and just tugging on it, which has started to become a thing in my everyday life, like sometimes I'll notice that my hand has been on my head the entire class or my mom will tell me to stop pulling out my eyelashes when I'm watching tv. I've never pulled out my eyelashes or head hair and I've never pulled out enough pubic hair to really make much of a difference because I'm sort of a late bloomer and my pubic hair is nowhere close to being fully developed like it just grew out of that "tiny barely noticeable whisker like type hair" but sometimes when I separate the hair I can see noticeable bald spots, and I've never even let the hair more towards my butt area grow because I've never stopped rubbing off the hair. so I guess it does make much of a difference. I think that shaving the area would likely help me to stop mostly because plucking at stubble really disturbs me for some reason, but at the same time I don't think I'm responsible enough to take care of a newly shaved area that is that sensitive at least not yet. I'm also scared that if I shave my pubic hair that the hair pulling will worsen towards my eyelashes and my head. because you can shave your pubic hair, you can't take off your eyelashes or shave your head unless you want to which I don't. at the moment I don't have enough money to get a therapist of any sort and I feel really uncomfortable telling anyone even if it weren't mostly directed toward my pubic hair I think I would still feel the same because nobody really wants to hear that a teenage child is pulling out their hair and likes it when it hurts. I really don't want to live the rest of my life being addicted to pulling out my hair but I don't really know where to start. I'm sorry that this is so long but PLEASEEE help.