Why Was I Crying When My Boyfriend Was Fingering Me?

Published: August 30, 2016
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I cried when my boyfriend started fingering me. I consented him to start and he hit what I think was my g spot (I'm a virgin , it felt good so that's my guess) and I started to get teary and he kept going then I just started sobbing and told him to stop and he did and held me and told me it was okay and nothing is wrong with me but I can't help but feel there is something wrong .. Why else would I be crying ?? (Note: I was sexually abused at a young age but I was not penetrated or touched down there, just other things so I just really don't know ..I'm also 15 if age matters for this)
Signed: Why Was I Crying When My Boyfriend Was Fingering Me?

Dear Why Was I Crying When My Boyfriend Was Fingering Me?,

TeenHealthFX would like to start by saying that there is nothing “wrong” with you. You may not be aware of what it is yet, but there is an understandable reason that you had this reaction. So please try and remember there is a context in which you had this reaction – that way you can be compassionate towards yourself about this.

There could be different reasons for your crying. Some people who have been sexually abused will have difficulty with physical intimacy after the abuse because the physical contact reminds them of the abuse. To be that physically close to someone might feel scary or emotionally painful. Some people will also cry during physical intimacy because they have never really felt close to anyone in their lives or loved by anyone in a special way. To be in a position of being so physically close to someone reminds them of times they felt disconnected from others or alone.

TeenHealthFX cannot know exactly why you were crying. But we can say that we are VERY pleased to hear that your boyfriend stopped what he was doing, held you and comforted you. His patience, comfort and support is going to be very important and helpful to you. FX also thinks that it would be really beneficial for you to speak to a reputable mental health professional, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist, about this so that you can get a better understanding of what may be going on for you that lead to the crying. Especially if it is connected to the sexual abuse, it is important that you have professional support and guidance in terms of how to deal with this.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX