I Can React Inappropriately and Sometimes Think I Just Want to Die

Published: December 20, 2016
Dear TeenHealthFX,
This is really personal and I hope you can help me. I have been in a few relationships now and all of them have gone very badly. That said i've also learned a lot from them and here's my question: for once i'm in a relationship where i want to be a good person. i've done a lot of bad things in the past for example i cheated and stole and did drugs and i'm past that yes it's part of me but i don't want to do it anymore. like i'm okay with it being in the past. but often especially when i get upset with my bf now EVERYTHING bad that I did comes up its like as soon as we start arguing or fighting i feel so overwhelmed emotionally it starts bringing up all these bad feelings for me and i find myself reacting very inappropriately like accusing him of doing things IVE DONE and i just get dismissed as crazy but its almost like i'm paranoid and i don't want to trust this person even though i'm trying with all my heart to move forward and be happy. am i crazy? when i get upset i get so overwhelmed sometimes i feel it would be better to just die. just make it all stop. i know these negative thoughts are just thoughts but in the moment it gets really intense and scary. i keep telling myself i'm overreacting and theyre just thoughts but sometimes its sooo bad. i have crumpled up plans of how i would do it too and that scares me bc i know they won't work but i wrote them so am i crazy?
Signed: I Can React Inappropriately and Sometimes Think I Just Want to Die

Dear I Can React Inappropriately and Sometimes Think I Just Want to Die,

TeenHealthFX would first like to thank you for sharing with us something that is so personal to you. It can be very difficult to open up and make ourselves vulnerable to others. So FX definitely want to acknowledge your courage in communicating to us what is going on with you right now. FX would also like to stress that you are a good person and that you are not crazy. Just because you are going through emotional struggles or problems in a relationship does not make you a bad person or crazy. FX invites you to look at yourself as a good person who has dealt with some difficult things which have had an impact on your emotions and behavior.

Given the various things you have been dealing with, TeenHealthFX thinks that it would be very helpful for you to meet with a reputable mental health professional, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist. A therapist can help you to better understand what is getting triggered in you when you become very reactive in certain situations, and what is causing you to feel so overwhelmed. A therapist can also help you develop ways of dealing with these emotions so you don’t become so reactive and so that you can feel calmer and more in control.

Given the nature of past relationships, as well as how you are reacting to your current boyfriend, FX also thinks it would be very important for you to be meeting with a therapist who has training and experience in working with attachment issues. From what you have described, FX can imagine that you may have some strong feelings about people and what it means to be close to them – to feel like you matter to others and can depend on others to be there for you no matter what. When we don’t feel connected in a safe, secure way to the people who are closest to us we can often get into patterns of intense fighting, turn to substances and even steal. That said, FX thinks talking to a therapist about your relationships with family, friends and significant others would be very beneficial.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), available 24 hours a day, or the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX