I'm a Girl and Have Been Secretly Dating a Girl for 8 Months

Published: April 05, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm a girl and in secret I have been dating another girl for eight months. She's pretty much my world and I love her. I've never dated another boy or even crushed on one, but I don't care. I know for sure that I'm lesbian. My parents are super lenient and easygoing which is how I've kept it secret for so long but I'm starting to get uncomfortable over it being a secret. Like they think she's just a friend and I'm glad they like her but I find it so hard honestly to not be romantic with her, like hold her hand the way couples do or lay my head on her chest while we watch TV together. They are not homophobic in any way but for some reason I'm scared. I don't want to keep denying/ignoring my sexuality just because I'm scared, but I don't know how can I tell them. Any ideas? Please help soon, if possible.
Signed: I'm a Girl and Have Been Secretly Dating a Girl for 8 Months

Dear I'm a Girl and Have Been Secretly Dating a Girl for 8 Months,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate the conflict you are in right now. It’s hard to keep such a significant part of who you are from some of the people you are closest to. But we also get that there might be a part of you that is worried about how your parents will react despite how they have presented themselves to you over the years. Your feelings about this situation are certainly very normal and understandable.  

In terms of how or when to tell them, one thing to consider is finding a trusted adult to talk to about it. That person can help you decide when the right time is for you to talk to them about it, as well as help you to figure out exactly what you want to say to them. You could speak to your school nurse, a school counselor or even a private therapist. You could tell your parents you have some things on your mind and would like a private place to discuss them – you don’t have to tell them right away all of the details of why you would like to meet with a therapist if that is the direction you want to go in.

In addition to speaking with a trusted adult about this, FX also suggests you check out the following resources about coming out to parents:


For additional support you could also consider:


It sounds like your parents are caring, kind, open-minded people. So as scary as this may feel, just try and trust in these qualities and try to find a way to believe that this will be okay in the end. And if there is something specific you are worried about with your parents, make that part of the conversation when you do talk to them.  

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX