Am I Still a Virgin?

Published: September 29, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,

I had sex several times before my first period and its been like 5yrs now that i've stopped having sex,am i still virgin

Signed: Am I Still a Virgin?

Dear Am I Still a Virgin?,

Planned Parenthood explains virginity in the following way:

The most basic definition of virginity is never having had sex. Just as people define “sex” differently, people define what it means to be a virgin differently as well. While some people consider virginity to mean never having had vaginal intercourse, that definition excludes lots of people, like LGBT people, who may not consider themselves virgins after they have oral or anal sex. Some people and cultures consider a girl a virgin if her hymen — a thin, fleshy tissue that stretches across part of the opening to the vagina — hasn’t been stretched apart. That definition can be misleading, since having a hymen and being a virgin are not the same thing. Lots of things can stretch open a woman’s hymen other than sexual intercourse — such as using tampons — and some girls are born with very little hymenal tissue to begin with.

The Center for Young Women’s Health provides the following information to the question, “How do I know if I am a virgin?”:

The answer to this question depends on how you define “virginity.”  There’s no medical definition of “virginity.” You may decide you’re a virgin until you’ve had penis-in-vagina sex, until you’ve had oral sex, or until you’ve been sexually intimate in any way with your partner. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin or not being a virgin, and it’s up to you to decide what “losing your virginity” means to you. What’s more important than knowing whether or not you are a “virgin” is making sure you feel safe with your partner and you don’t ever feel pressured into having sex. Becoming sexually active is not only a big decision, it should always be YOUR choice and no one else’s.

All that said, whether or not you are a virgin depends on how you define it. If you define it as having had sexual intercourse, you would not be a virgin regardless of how much time has gone by since having sex. However, virgin or not FX thinks that it is important for you to respect yourself and feel good about yourself.

FX is curious why you are asking about this. Since you said that you were sexually active before you got your period, FX is wondering how old you were when you were first having sex and if feelings are come up for you now about that time in your life. If you are, then FX would definitely recommend reaching out to a trusted adult about it. You could speak to a parent, school nurse, school counselor, your doctor, a therapist or anyone else who could provide you with the guidance and support you may need right now to deal with whatever feelings are coming up. And if you have any other questions or concerns, you can always write back to TeenHealthFX.  

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. A Planned Parenthood health center is a good option if you have concerns about cost or confidentiality issues. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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