Taking My Anger at My Teacher Out on Other People

Published: February 14, 2018
Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hi. I recently got into an argument with my teacher. So the other day I was speaking to my Girlfriend friend about how Important my my religion was and I said that it mattered to me more than anything, my teacher over heard and said that it is unhealthy if not balanced with other things like schoolwork(probably because I don't really finish my work on time) however this got me very angry and I refuse to even look at her, but now I'€™m starting to take my anger out on others which I feel is unfair but I can control my self I just feel like punching her in the face. I'€™ve tried to stay away from my girlfriend because I don'€™t want her to get angry at me. I'm a Christian btw. Thank you.

Signed: Taking My Anger at My Teacher Out on Other People

Dear Taking My Anger at My Teacher Out on Other People,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate the difficulty of this situation. Clearly something went on in this exchange with your teacher that triggered anger in you. But since it doesn’t sound like you are dealing with your anger and this situation, your anger is spilling out and affecting you and various people around you in a way that is causing you to feel even more upset.

FX recommends that you focus on some healthier ways of dealing with your anger. If you find that you are feeling angry in a way that is making you fantasize about punching your teacher, then it would definitely be helpful to find a healthy way to get the anger out and/or a healthy way to calm yourself down. You could get the anger out by doing something physically active that requires a lot of energy, such as running, playing basketball, swimming, riding your bike or any other physical activity that will use up some of your excess energy. The other route would be to do something to help calm yourself down, like progressive muscle relaxation or meditating.

In addition, in order to resolve this situation with your teacher, it could be really helpful for you to have a conversation with her to talk about what she said and the reaction you had to it. To ensure this conversation is a constructive one, it will be important for to you to go into it calm enough where are able to have a discussion with one another. One thing that might really help with this is for you to get a better understanding of why you had such a strong reaction. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst was quoted as saying, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” You may have gotten angry with your teacher in this situation, but what was happening for you that your reaction was one of anger? What button within you got pushed? What got triggered within you when she made the comment she did? Getting closer to figuring that out will help you to deal with your anger in a more constructive way and will help you to have a conversation with a greater likelihood of resolution because you will be able to explain why you reacted the way you did.

If you are having trouble dealing with this on your own, consider speaking to a trusted adult such as a parent/guardian, school counselor or even a private therapist who can provide you with the support and guidance you need to deal with this anger in a way that doesn’t negatively impact you and your relationships.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX