Afraid If I See Him Again I'll Start Having a Crush Again

Published: August 23, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi, well my issue, to call it some way, is the next. Aproximatly five months ago I went with my family to South America to visit some family friends. I only knew said friends by name since I hadn't met them before because of the distance. I had suspicions that my mom was trying to pair me up with their son who we both believed was 16. Now here comes the problem. I'm 15, turning 16 in October and said son turned out to be 20. When I learnt this fact I immediately thought "yeah not going to happen, not going to allow myself to like him in the slightest!". Yeah well that really didn't go as planned. When we first met I did acknowledge he was quite good looking but continued to promise I would not allow my self in any way shape or form to develop a crush on him. The two weeks during which we payed our visit passed and I did develop a crush on him. A few weeks later I decided to expose my feelings to him, I honestly don't know why. In said message I told him I like him but also that I wasn't telling him this because I wanted us to have a relationship and that I was very conscious that not only would a relationship be frowned upon but also that it is illegal. He was gald that I understood the illegal nature of a possible relationship in that moment, and also explained that right now he was concentrated in his career and future but nevertheless he thought I was a very interesting person and would enjoy still manteinig a friendship since we really enjoyed discussing topics such as literature and history. We've continued talking ocasionally and sending each other articles and suff we thought the other could find interesting and had a good friendship and honestly I kinda stopped having a crush on him. But just a few days ago we received an invitation to his eldest sister's wedding. From that day on I've been fearing having to see him again and developing a crush on him once more. I would really appreciate it if you helped me! Signed a terrified girl.
Signed: Afraid If I See Him Again I'll Start Having a Crush Again

Dear Afraid If I See Him Again I'll Start Having a Crush Again,

Part of what may be making this feel so scary to you is that you are fearing the possibility of having feelings for this person rather than accepting it as a potential reality. It’s almost like saying, “Oh, no, I can’t have a crush on this person” instead of saying, “Ok, it’s possible that when I see this person I may feel those crush feelings again. But that’s okay, because crushes are normal, crushes will pass and just because I feel something doesn’t mean I need to act on it.”

To help you get through this situation, TeenHealthFX recommends focusing on the second statement above. Remind yourself that it is normal to feel crushes as a teen, that crushes generally don’t last and that just because we have a crush on someone doesn’t mean we have to act on it. It also doesn’t mean anything horrible is going to happen to us because we have a crush that didn’t turn into anything – that happens to people all the time, but they get through it.

All that said, accept that when you see this person that you may have feelings come up and remind yourself that it will be okay in the end. And focus on ways in which you can distract yourself while you are there, such as planning things to do with family and friends that will help to take your mind off of it. Also remind yourself that if you get totally caught up in this situation, it could prevent you from really enjoying what has the potential to be a very fun and special occasion.

If you find you are having a really hard time managing this emotionally, then FX recommends speaking to a trusted adult about it. The more we keep something in, the more it seems to grow and take hold of us – so share your feelings if they seem to be getting to be too much for you to handle on your own.

Signed: TeenHealthFX