My Mom Yells at Me and I Have No Time with My BFF

Published: December 12, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My mom yells a lot at me. About my grades, homework, and texting my Best Friend I have ZERO classes with. She will sometime slap me. I am thirteen and have ADD. Its hard for me to focus. She never understands how emotionally it feels when she yells. We argue a lot. She once threw her phone because she was mad, broke it, and then blamed it on me. My dad is always on business trips. I only see him on the weekends. I sometimes tell my mom, "SO IM A FAILURE" or say, "SO IM A DISSAPOINTMENT!" she will sometimes say back, "YES BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN F IN SOME CLASSES". I tell her that I try my best but she says I dont. Please help.
Signed: My Mom Yells at Me and I Have No Time with My BFF

Dear My Mom Yells at Me and I Have No Time with My BFF,

TeenHealthFX is very sorry to hear that you have such a strained relationship with your mother right now. It sounds like your mother is dealing with a lot of her own anger and stress which, unfortunately, she is taking out on you. It is also possible that your mother does not really understand what it means to have ADD in terms of the kinds of the things you may struggle with or find difficult.

FX thinks that it would be very helpful for your family to meet with a reputable family therapist, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist. And preferably someone with experience working with people with ADD. If you think you’d be able to talk to your mother or your father in terms of them agreeing to set up a consultation for the family, that would be great. But if you don’t think either would be receptive to such a conversation, then FX recommends speaking to someone at your school, such as a teacher, school nurse, guidance counselor, or your principal. It would be helpful for you to have an adult who could advocate for you around these issues. It is also important that you not deal with this all alone.  

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Your parents might also benefit from some resources, such as CHADD (The National Resource on ADHD), For Parents & Caregivers. Perhaps it would be helpful for a staff member at school to share some helpful resources.

Signed: TeenHealthFX