Worried That My Parents Aren't Trusting Me Anymore

Published: December 18, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over months and so we make-out and stuff that normal couples do but I have been telling my parents that we haven't even kissed. I hate lying to them but they think i'm too young. One night we were making-out and my dad came down stairs and caught us. He yelled at him to get out and then my parents told me they didn't trust me anymore. I'm mainly worried about not having anymore trust cause I worked so hard to earn their trust. I don't know what to do.
Signed: Worried That My Parents Aren't Trusting Me Anymore

Dear Worried That My Parents Aren't Trusting Me Anymore,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate how distressing this situation must feel for you. In working so hard to build up trust in your relationships with your parents, it must be incredibly upsetting to feel like that trust has been compromised in some way.

FX would like to start by reminding you that issues can come up in our relationships with other people, but that these issues can also be healed and resolved. In order for you to begin to heal this with your parents, FX thinks that it is very important for you to sit down and speak to them about it. It would be helpful for you to let them know how you are feeling about not having their trust. It would also be helpful for you to explain to your parents what made it hard for you to tell them the truth about this part of your relationship with your boyfriend. It would also be helpful for you to ask them what specifically they are worried about so that you can better understand their perspective on the situation. And finally, it would be beneficial for you to let them know that they are important to you, and having a trusting relationship with them is important to you, so you can talk about repairing that trust.

If having this kind of conversation with your parents feels like it would be difficult to do on your own, you could always ask for the three of you to meet with a family therapist. All of you might find that a serious conversation like this would be most productive with the support and guidance of a reputable mental health professional.  

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

TeenHealthFX would like to stress the importance of not dealing with this alone. So please speak to your parents, or you could even start by speaking to a trusted staff member at school, so you have the support and guidance that you need to resolve this situation.

Signed: TeenHealthFX