TeenHealthFX - Answers - Is 18 Years Old Enough To Date?

ME & Relationships / Question
Published: June 26, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hi I am 18 and my mom doesn't agree with me that I should date yet. I have never had a boyfriend before, and there isn't anyone in particular I am interested in right now, but I fear that if I do meet someone, my mom will not let me go on a date! She claims that I am a very "special, kind" person and I should wait a couple years. But, now, I feel really frustrated because I've waited all throughout my teenage years without dating I'm also confused. Why isn't 18 a good age to start dating? Please tell me if I am right to want to start dating!?

Signed: Is 18 Years Old Enough To Date?

Dear Is 18 Years Old Enough To Date?,

TeenHealthFX thinks that it is perfectly normal at your age that you would be interested in dating. Without knowing more about you, your mom and this situation it is hard for FX to know why your mother would prefer for you to wait a few years. Perhaps she has some legitimate concerns about how you would deal with dating, or perhaps it is just feeling hard for her to think about letting you go in terms of your becoming more independent or possibly very attached to someone else (in the event you started dating someone you really cared for).

Either way, FX suggests that you and your mother have a conversation so that you can feel clear about why she wants you to wait a few more years before you begin dating. If you see that the issue is more that she is just having a hard time letting go and watching you grow up, let her know that no matter what she does you are going to grow up and become more independent – and that is a healthy and normal process! And what would be helpful to you is to have gradual increases in the freedoms given to you so you can slowly learn what you need to in order to be able to function as an independent adult one day.

If, after speaking to your mother about this, there are specific concerns she has about your dating, find out what those concerns are and see if you can negotiate around them. There are all kinds of possibilities of what her concerns might be – but there are also all kinds of solutions and ways to compromise that will give both of you what you want to some degree.

For example:

If your mother is worried about your safety in terms of being alone with a date, see if she would be comfortable with your being on a double date.
If your mother’s worry is that she won’t know your date very well, see if she would agree to your going on a date if your date came to the house first for dinner one night so she could get to know him better.
If your mother doesn’t like the idea of your being in a car with your date, see if she would agree to your driving yourself to and from your date and meeting your date wherever you plan to go.
If your mother is worried that by letting you go out on a date, it would lead to your being in any kind of unsafe or irresponsible situation regarding sex – talk to her about making safer sex decisions and meet with a healthcare professional so that you are educated about practicing safer sex.

Talking to teens about relationship and dating issues can be difficult for some parents. If part of your mother’s reluctance in letting you go on dates is that she is not sure how to discuss dating issues with you, the following links can provide information for her in terms of how to address dating issues. So you may recommend your mother read the following:

How to talk to your teen about dating:

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/talktoyourteen/ht/talk_teendating.htm

Parenting tips for teen dating:

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/teendating/a/parenting_tips.htm

Signed: TeenHealthFX